last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
