sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
