just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
