that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
