she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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