woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
