Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
