Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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