I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
