dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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