My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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