KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
