if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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