don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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