woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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