i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
