I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
