I hate your face
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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