Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
