I think im going to throw up on grandma
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
