I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
