I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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