I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
