I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
