it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
