he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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