Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
