You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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