If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
