so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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