a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
