My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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