Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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