bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
