Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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