In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
