I faked an abortion last night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
