i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
