Say something about gay babies.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
