worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
