I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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