matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
