You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
