Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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