I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
