I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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