i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
