I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
