i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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