my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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