What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
