My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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