Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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