Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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