weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
