he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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