Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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