CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
