The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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