worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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