dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
