He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to calm my uterus...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
