Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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