Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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