Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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