I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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