How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
