I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
