I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
