Life is so much better after having sex.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
