I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
