maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
