If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize