I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
