those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just pee around me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
