We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
