Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh god it's open bar.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize