I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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