that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
