you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
