Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
