I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
