you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
