I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
