I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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