I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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