New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
