I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
