Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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