At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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