Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
