Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
