I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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