yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
