and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
