I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
