it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
