i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was CRYING into my vagina
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize