her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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