im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
