i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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