Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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